Ferguson

I have roots in Ferguson.  If it weren't for Ferguson, I wouldn't be here.  I wouldn't exist.  My parents lived and met in Ferguson.  They got married, moved to another suburb of St. Louis, had me, and I grew up in St. Louis.  Not at all far away from West Florissant Ave.  And now, at this very moment, the eyes of a nation are looking to my city.

My heart is breaking.

I don't understand how looting, vandalism, and violence will create any positive change.  These actions showcase the worst of humanity.  Hate begets hate.  None of these actions will bring back any lives lost.

There is so much I want to say, but m emotions are getting in the way and I need to organize my thoughts first.  However, as per usual, I can express my thoughts and feelings surrounding this situation in song.  Here are the lyrics that I am holding on to:

"Imagine all the people living life in peace...  Imagine all the people sharing all the world."

"Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me
Let there be peace on earth, the peace that was meant to be
With God as our Father, brothers all are we
Let me walk with my brother in perfect harmony

Let peace begin with me, let this be the moment now,
With every step I take, let this be my solemn vow:
To take each moment and live each moment in peace eternally,
Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me."

All About That What?

I normally don't do this, but I think I'm ready to stir up some discussion.
I've had the Meghan Trainor song, "All About that Bass" stuck in my head a lot recently.  It's a catchy tune, and it attempts to break down societal ideals of "beauty."  However, I can't ignore the fact that she builds herself up by bringing others down, and bases her worth on the attentions of the opposite sex.  Let's analyze these lyrics.

I'll start by giving you the lyrics to the verses so you can have some context if you're not familiar.

Yeah, it's pretty clear, I ain't no size two
But I can shake it, shake it
Like I'm supposed to do
'Cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase
And all the right junk in all the right places

I see the magazine working' that Photoshop
We know that shit ain't real
C'mon now, make it stop
If you got that beauty, beauty, just raise 'em up
'Cause ever inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top

Yeah, my mama she told me don't worry about your size
She says, "Boys like a little more booty to hold at night."
You know I won't be no stick figure Barbie doll
So if that's what you're into then go ahead and move along

I'm bringing booty back
Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches that
No I'm just playing.  I know you think you're fat
But I'm here to tell ya
Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top


"I ain't no size two."  Let me begin by telling you a little something about myself: I happen to be a size two.  A natural, unsolicited size two.  That's the body God gave me.  I'm grateful for my health, but my size really doesn't concern me much.  Why is she singling me out?  (I wouldn't normally take it personally, but for the sake of argument, let's just go with it.)

"I got that boom boom that all the boys chase."  So, since I'm small, I can assume from her lyrics that I don't have the "boom boom."  Boys don't chase me around, but I sincerely doubt that has anything to do with my lack of "boom boom."  It's probably because I'm obnoxious and I scare them away.  I can guarantee it has more to do with my loud personality.

"Boys like a little more booty to hold at night."  Throughout the song, Trainor makes the case that her body is beautiful the way it is.  And it is.  She's hot!  If I swung that way, I'd be into that!  However, she measures her worth not based on her personal beauty, self respect, her rockin' musical talent, or her identity.  She measures her worth based on boys wanting to hold her booty.  Come on, Meghan.  You're awesome!  You don't need to base your worth on what boys can get from you!!  You just do you!

"You know I won't be no stick figure Barbie doll."  Again, I'm going to reference the issue of skinny shaming.  Do women who have "Barbie doll" features any less human? (maybe some are because they are partly made of plastic, but either way, they still have souls, right?)

"Skinny bitches"  Not all skinny people are bitches.  And not all people with "that bass" are lazy, as the stereotype goes...

"I know you think you're fat, but I'm here to tell ya every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top."  Don't assume that skinny people are obsessed with staying that way.  I don't think I'm fat.  I know I'm small.  But I'm also not perfect.  No one is, and that's just part of the beauty of life!  But I also don't need you to tell me I'm "perfect" for me to feel good about myself.  Thanks for the encouragement, but you tore me down before you built me up with superficial and inaccurate positivity.

I am beautiful because I am part of this life that we all share.  We are all beautiful because we are all loved.  Don't let your self worth/ideal of beauty be based on size or sexuality.

All that being said, the song rocks and I appreciate that she's trying to break the mold.  I just don't really like the mold she's trying to make.  But, if it sparks discussion, it's worth it!
"Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable."

Blessings

Last week was a very exciting time for my family.  Mom and I went to Missouri to celebrate.
I have a cousin who is beginning a new journey.  If you knew where she came from, and where she is now, you'd be absolutely astounded.  I won't go into any gruesome details, but basically her life was heading in one direction, and now, because of faithful and supportive loved ones, and the power of God, her life is heading in the opposite direction.  We've spent many nights, days, hours, minutes, and tears praying for her.  Now, I can't wait to see how this new chapter of her life unfolds.
Congratulations!
Another exciting thing is the birth of our newest family member.  Another blessing after a storm.  New births are always reason to be grateful, but this particular one has something extra special, healing, and miraculous.  Praise be to God for the beauty of life!  (also, I got to hold the new baby before my mother!  That has never happened before!)

Now I will conclude with the lyrics of a song that has been an inspiration: "Blessings" by Laura Story

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way to much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops,
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near,
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise fromYour word is not enough
And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

What if Your blessings come through raindrops,
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near,
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, When darkness seems to win, we know
The pain reminds this heart that this is not,
This is not our home!
It's not our Home!

What if Your blessings come through raindrops,
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near?
What if my greatest disappointments,
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy?
What if trials of this life,
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights,
Are Your mercies in disguise?

Some Things You Need to Know about Music Therapy

There are a lot of misconceptions surrounding the term "music therapy."  I am a board-certified music therapist (MT-BC), and I've gotten a lot of reactions to my occupation.  One of the most memorable was when a patient told me, "I'm not into any of that Kum-Ba-Yah $h!t."  Or when I was a student and told people I was majoring in music therapy, "what do you want to do with that degree?"  Go into dentistry, of course!!

I'm here to clear some things up.

• First, a definition of music therapy.

Music therapy is the clinical and evidence-based use of music interventions to accomplish individualized goals within a therapeutic relationship by a credentialed professional who has completed an approved music therapy program.

• Music therapy is not just for sick musicians.  

Anyone, regardless of musical background, can benefit from music therapy interventions.  No experience necessary.  The reason for this is because music therapy goals are non-musical.  We simply use music to reach our goals.

• I am not a volunteer

I spent a lot of money, time, and effort studying and learning how to do what I do.  (This is addressed in a later bullet point.  Stay with me!)  Please respect that with the acknowledgment that I deserve to be paid.

• I am not an entertainer.

I am a therapist.  I assess patients' needs, create goals, implement plans, and document progress.  What I do is challenging work, and everything I do is purposeful.  This is therapy, not entertainment.

• "So, do you just play guitar and sing all day long?"

Take just out of your vocabulary.  I don't just do anything.  See above.

• "I'm too anxious right now, I really don't need any more stimulation."

As a music therapist, I am trained to use music and music therapy techniques to decrease anxiety and promote relaxation.  If you're feeling anxious, I'm the perfect person you want to see right now.  Not only is music therapy effective in decreasing anxiety, it is non pharmacological, which means no side effects!

• We are not hippies.

I know "music therapy" can sound very hippie-dippie, but as I've said before, I am a therapist.  I don't sit around a campfire singing "Pass it On."

• Let me tell you about our education.  It's more invested than you'd think.

Every (real) music therapist has (at least) a bachelor's degree in music therapy.  Not a certificate, but an actual degree.  And the degree is actually specifically in music therapy.  A lot of people ask if we have music degrees.  They're right.  But wait, there's more.  Our degree includes music courses, psychology courses, anatomy, liberal arts core, music therapy clinicals/practica, and probably some others that I've forgotten (and you can't really blame me, it's a bit overwhelming.)  And that's just the coursework.  Most people take 4.5-5 years to complete this part of undergrad.  The rest is the 6-month internship, which is INTENSE!!  This is a requirement, not an option.  This is where all the in-depth training happens.  This is where we take all the things we learn in the classroom, and apply it under supervision and direction of a qualified supervisor.  My internship changed my life.

• No, I don't want to try out for American Idol

I like my job.  If I wanted to try out for American Idol, I wouldn't be able to do what I love.  Thanks for the compliment, but I probably won't follow your suggestion.

• "Is there an article out there about what you do?"

Yes, lots.  Music therapy is an evidence-based practice.  We have two research journals, Journal of Music Therapy, and Music Therapy Perspectives.  I realize you're probably looking for some feel-good "music calms the savage breast" or "music heals the soul" article, but these research articles are much more exciting.  (maybe I just feel that way because I'm a nerd...)

• I am NOT here for background music.

Just, no.

• "I'm afraid I might fall asleep if you play music, I don't want to be rude."

I work in a medical setting, where patients may be dealing with anxiety or pain.  If music therapy promotes so much relaxation that my patient falls asleep, that means I have done my job.  I take it as a compliment!  Please fall asleep!  (The only problem is that I'm very clumsy, so I usually wake them up when I'm trying to leave...)

• "Can you go play for [insert patient's name here]?"

No, but I can provide music therapy services for them.  What is your reason for referral?

• Yes, I've seen all the Dateline specials about music.

I get very excited when music changed lives.  That's why I got into this profession!  However, not every story you hear on the news is music therapy.  Music therapy only happens when a credentialed professional is providing services.  Sure, it may look the same as that volunteer who plays piano at the nursing home, but a music therapist has a clinical purpose behind EVERY aspect of their interaction with a patient or client.  The volunteer on the Dateline special may be talented and I appreciate their time and compassion, but they don't have the ability to make the clinical decisions I do.  It's not the same thing.

• Lastly, a link for you.

www.musictherapy.org

Yes, we're organized.

Thanks for sticking with me.  I hope you found this informative!  Next time you see someone in the hospital elevator with a guitar, don't ask for "a little elevator music,"  or scream "FREE BIRD!!"  (Those jokes weren't funny the first thousand times)  Instead, thank them for their hard work and passion using the great medium of music to impact lives!

Pet Peeves

Here is a list of my pet peeves, and other things that make me angry.
In no particular order.
Not inclusive.
Consider this your first warning.

• Bad grammar
• Tapping fingers on a desk or table
• "Cammo" as a fashion statement
• When people tell me something I already know
• Using the word "y'all" more than once in a sentence.  (really, using it at all bothers me, but I'm trying to be reasonable because I live in Alabama...)
• When people tell me I'm a yankee because I grew up in St. Louis
• When people suggest that I do something I am already in the process of doing
• When people are fans of a college sports team, and they have never attended said college
• Unwarranted advice
• Putting emphasis on the incorrect syllable of the word "guitar" (GIT-ahr instead of gi-TAHR)
• Arrogance
• When people pretend the know more than they really do instead of just asking a question
• When people won't answer a question
• When I am mistaken for a student, or a teenager
• Micromanaging
• When people haven't read the book, but they still go to see the movie
• When people find out I'm a musician and feel the need to inform me of their experience playing the clarinet or flute in middle school band
• Small talk
• Lists of pet peeves

The Doctor's Office

I went to the doctor today with a list of problems, and I got prescribed a list of medications, shots, and blood tests.  What fun. (sarcasm)
This, dear friends, is why I feel uncomfortable going to the doctor: I'm afraid I'm a hypochondriac.
Sure, I've been experiencing dizziness, headaches, shortness of breath, aching joints and muscles, sore throat, tiredness, chest pains, acne, and a myriad of other ailments.  But, I'm afraid if I say something, and they don't find anything wrong, then I'm just being a Nervous Neville and I need to chill.  On the other hand, what if I have some crazy disease, and I don't say anything?  Then, I die a tragic and preventable death.
All that being said, I really hope the doctor finds something wrong in my blood tests.  I know that sounds absurd, but I'd rather there actually be something wrong with me than realizing that all my symptoms are psychosomatic.

So, now I have a new bedtime routine to account for some nasal spray and acne cream.  I'm not so sure about this nasal spray, because I feel like I'm choking on my own spit.  I hope I get used to it soon!

My Commitment Issue

Cutting up curtains to hem them is a big commitment.  What if I mess up?  What if I like them better long?  What if I want to use them for another, longer window one day?  I just don't think I'm ready for that.
Other things I'm not ready to commit to:

• a man
• a city to live in forever
• a pet (other than my fish named Edward, he's usually fine without much help from me.)
• the stock market
• keeping a journal (or blogging for that matter, let's see how long this lasts)
• exercise
• eating healthy (which means cutting out junk)
• anything that involves giving up cheese
• a tattoo
• piercings
• nail polish (it never comes all the way off)
• hair cuts or colors
• reading the Game of Thrones series (because let's face it, if I read one, I'll read them all)
• buying things in bulk (even though I love my new Costco membership)
• buying groceries (because that means I have to prepare food)
• buying frozen foods (because I have to go straight home from the store)
• starting a new TV show on Netflix (because I might binge watch and I just don't have time)
• I could really go on, but it was hard enough to even commit to making this list...

Just imagine what it will be like when I have to drill the holes to hang the curtain rods.  I'll keep you updated.

IKEA

I went to IKEA today, and now I have to eat PB&J for the next two months.
The curtains I bought are too long for my windows, so I need to hem them.  Anyone have a sewing machine?
Also, I bought a piece of art that reminds me of my fish named Edward.

My Fish Named Edward

I have a fish named Edward.  He is my only dependent.  Basically, I don't have to worry about taking care of anyone but me, except my fish named Edward, but he's usually fine without me.  But we're friends.

There's a funny story behind the way Edward got his name.  When I first brought him home from the pet store, I left him in his cup while I prepared the bowl of water for him, all the while thinking of potential names.  When the water was ready for him, I used my fishnet to try to get him out of his cup.  Edward didn't like the fishnet (like most fish), and he proceeded to swim away from it every time I tried to get him.  In my last attempt to scoop him out, he flopped out of the cup and onto the windowsill.  I screamed.  A lot.  And I don't really remember what happened next, except that I screamed, "No!  Edward!!"  It was a very traumatic experience, and poor Edward swam straight to the bottom of the bowl and didn't move for a few hours when I finally got him safe.  I think he was scared of me for a few weeks, but once he figured out that I give him food, he decided to trust me.

And that's how Edward got his name.